Post by Andraste on Feb 5, 2012 12:20:27 GMT -5
So im writing this story and i would like some feedback if possible.
I was listened to the teacher drone on and on about something having to do with grammar. I knew, the teacher knew, and the other students knew that no one was paying attaching. I mean really? How is going to pay any mind to grammar when the sun was shining and it was only a few weeks until break? I sighed and glanced around the room, for maybe the hundredth time. The walls, unlike most of the other class rooms, were bare and depressing. They were once I guessed a nice white but now it’s a dull grey, the boards are stained all different colors and made the words and phrases the teacher was currently writing down almost impossible to see. The desks where all facing the front and in seven rows, in columns of five. Lucky me, I was in the corner by the windows. Straight across from me were a built in cabinet and counter. There was a reason this room was darker than the others, Mr. Craig smokes and in the top shelf of the cabinet is where he keeps a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey.
I sighed and gazed at the clock still five minutes. Five minutes left in the school day and literally I wanted to just go home and sleep! Is it so hard just to get a good night’s sleep? I sighed and Mr. Craig apparently became aware of my existence.
“Miss Lilith do you have anything you would like to add?” I glanced at the beady pig eyes of our English teacher. I often thought of him as a lazy pervert. Everyone knew he looked down girls shirts and he didn’t grade half the things we turned in. His hair was way too greasy and combed over his whole head, in a sideways swoop. He always wore a blue stripped nerd shirt with kakis and brown shoes. Some people thought it was the only thing he owned.
I nodded and said, “Two things really, the answer is ‘on the table’ modifies ‘displays’ and number two, your fly’s down.” I looked away and out the window while hearing the class erupt into laughter. I saw out of the corner of my eye Mr. Craig struggling to pull his zipper up, getting redder by the second. The last bell of the day rang clear as day and I showed a small smiled something that doesn’t happen most of the time. I bent down and picked up my old ratty bag, nothing more than a dark blue sack with straps and a lid. It has with held three years of lugging text books from school to home, so I’d say it’s done pretty darn well. Mr. Craig cleared his throat trying to get back some of the dignity he never had back, “Kalliope please stay.” He said deepening his voice. I sighed and dropped my bad sliding back into my seat. When everybody had cleared out he gazed down at me. Sitting on my small desk, I looked back up and gave a fake smile, almost sickly sweet, happy I had wore a sweatshirt today.
“You know what you did was wrong and rude.” He said flatly.
“But I only answered your question and was trying to keep you from any further embarrassment.” I said blandly.
“You have afterschool detention for the next week, no ifs, an, or buts.” He moved closer and gave a creepy smile, “Unless you want to make it up somehow…”
“Ok and I’m good with the detention,” I said quickly picking up my stuff and practically ran out of the room. I sped walked down the hall and around the corner, once out of sight I slowed down to a walk. I was almost too black door that held the detention room behind it. Three, two, one… And gripped the cool metal in my right hand and pushed down and out.
I walked in the dim room and sat down at a random desk. The room was empty, except for about fifteen school desk and a teacher’s desk with a swivel chair. The walls where a light brown, the room had no windows, only the lights over head and they were never fully working. “Let’s see its Thursday so Mrs. Harper is on duty.” I mumbled to myself, glad I didn’t have to spend an hour alone with my friendly pervert teacher.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, hoping to get some shut eye.
Does it have good descriptionn? Does it make you want to keep reading?
I was listened to the teacher drone on and on about something having to do with grammar. I knew, the teacher knew, and the other students knew that no one was paying attaching. I mean really? How is going to pay any mind to grammar when the sun was shining and it was only a few weeks until break? I sighed and glanced around the room, for maybe the hundredth time. The walls, unlike most of the other class rooms, were bare and depressing. They were once I guessed a nice white but now it’s a dull grey, the boards are stained all different colors and made the words and phrases the teacher was currently writing down almost impossible to see. The desks where all facing the front and in seven rows, in columns of five. Lucky me, I was in the corner by the windows. Straight across from me were a built in cabinet and counter. There was a reason this room was darker than the others, Mr. Craig smokes and in the top shelf of the cabinet is where he keeps a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of whiskey.
I sighed and gazed at the clock still five minutes. Five minutes left in the school day and literally I wanted to just go home and sleep! Is it so hard just to get a good night’s sleep? I sighed and Mr. Craig apparently became aware of my existence.
“Miss Lilith do you have anything you would like to add?” I glanced at the beady pig eyes of our English teacher. I often thought of him as a lazy pervert. Everyone knew he looked down girls shirts and he didn’t grade half the things we turned in. His hair was way too greasy and combed over his whole head, in a sideways swoop. He always wore a blue stripped nerd shirt with kakis and brown shoes. Some people thought it was the only thing he owned.
I nodded and said, “Two things really, the answer is ‘on the table’ modifies ‘displays’ and number two, your fly’s down.” I looked away and out the window while hearing the class erupt into laughter. I saw out of the corner of my eye Mr. Craig struggling to pull his zipper up, getting redder by the second. The last bell of the day rang clear as day and I showed a small smiled something that doesn’t happen most of the time. I bent down and picked up my old ratty bag, nothing more than a dark blue sack with straps and a lid. It has with held three years of lugging text books from school to home, so I’d say it’s done pretty darn well. Mr. Craig cleared his throat trying to get back some of the dignity he never had back, “Kalliope please stay.” He said deepening his voice. I sighed and dropped my bad sliding back into my seat. When everybody had cleared out he gazed down at me. Sitting on my small desk, I looked back up and gave a fake smile, almost sickly sweet, happy I had wore a sweatshirt today.
“You know what you did was wrong and rude.” He said flatly.
“But I only answered your question and was trying to keep you from any further embarrassment.” I said blandly.
“You have afterschool detention for the next week, no ifs, an, or buts.” He moved closer and gave a creepy smile, “Unless you want to make it up somehow…”
“Ok and I’m good with the detention,” I said quickly picking up my stuff and practically ran out of the room. I sped walked down the hall and around the corner, once out of sight I slowed down to a walk. I was almost too black door that held the detention room behind it. Three, two, one… And gripped the cool metal in my right hand and pushed down and out.
I walked in the dim room and sat down at a random desk. The room was empty, except for about fifteen school desk and a teacher’s desk with a swivel chair. The walls where a light brown, the room had no windows, only the lights over head and they were never fully working. “Let’s see its Thursday so Mrs. Harper is on duty.” I mumbled to myself, glad I didn’t have to spend an hour alone with my friendly pervert teacher.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, hoping to get some shut eye.
Does it have good descriptionn? Does it make you want to keep reading?
