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Post by Ahava on Sept 1, 2012 8:55:14 GMT -5
Ahava didn't run very far. She ducked under a tree, obviously too depressed to think. How was she going to get this off her chest? She remembered when Yanah had been nice to her. But she had broken Ahava. She would never get over this. She hated her. But her concerns went straight to how terrible she was. So all she did was cry. The wolf looked at the river. Somehow she just got up and began moving further, hoping like heck that the currents were harsher than they looked, that the river was deeper than meets the eye. But she couldnt bring herself to do it. On that note, she collapsed in the shallows and looked at her empty reflection with dead eyes. Her heart, soul, and mind numbed over. She wasn't even able to wail anymore. She hated herself so much, the same words as usual running through her mind. A disgrace, hated, stupid, useless. She wanted to just run away from her life.
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Post by Oxy on Sept 6, 2012 21:11:57 GMT -5
Squinting in the pouring rain, Lya attempted to navigate her way towards Ahava. Poor girl... she though solemnly. She wasn't mad at Yanah, but honestly she was pretty torn right now. With Yanah gone bonkers and Ahava depressed and all, she was going to have to step up her game as Satrap so she could collect some form of order.
Lya spotted the shape collapsing in the river, and knew it was her. The river was sure to overflow soon. Laying in the shallows was very unwise. The female slowed down her pace and approached the other with tender steps. She thought up a million things to say, but eventually ended up with, "Er... You okay?" It was truly the best she could do right now.
(Holy hell. My muse meter is like (|____________) aubaubobadn Sorry for the lame post ;u;)
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Post by Ahava on Sept 7, 2012 15:26:26 GMT -5
It was a few seconds after Ahava looked up to see Lya. Why did she even try do do such a thing? She felt embarrassed, and Lya had seen her all sullen now, kinda like an overly dramatic pup. She got up quickly and tried to regain herself. Hey, maybe she would be able to do it. Maybe. She had thought about Yanah's purpose for going crazy. Emiko. That made her feel a little better. But she still needed answers. "Am I really... like that?" She blurted out.
ooc; I just had to lose Ahava's dramatic streak just a little.
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Post by Sunny on Sept 15, 2012 22:08:30 GMT -5
Not really sure where she was going or why she was headed in that particular direction, Heraclea happened to wander in on Lya and Ahava's meeting. Still down about Ajax she didn't even notice the two wolves conversing in the rain until she heard Ahava say 'Am I really. . . like that?'. Her curiosity piqued she approached the two and asked, "like what?"
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Post by Ahava on Sept 16, 2012 8:01:35 GMT -5
Ahava turned around in surprise when the pup, Heraclea, approached them. Now what was she supposed to say? Signing, she made her words seem okay for a pup to hear and looked at Heraclea. She tried for a pathetic smile and shook her head. "Like... too quiet." There, that should be good enough.
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Post by Oxy on Sept 16, 2012 8:49:27 GMT -5
Lya was startled as Heraclea spoke, but turned to face the pup. She was about to say something just as Ahava did, and she replied with a curt nod and a sheepish smile. Taking a seat in the soaked ground, she looked at Ahava and finally replied, "No,"
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Post by Ahava on Sept 16, 2012 12:11:54 GMT -5
Ahava looked at Lya, and what she saw was not really something to be sure of. The Satrap even hesitated for a bit. But Ahava could still hold on to that hope- that tiny flicker of relief- that appeared inside of her. "Really?" Ahava sounded just a little doubtful when she asked that. "Then what"- she was sure not to mention Yanah, definitely not in front of this pup- "was said... wasn't true?"
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Post by Oxy on Sept 16, 2012 21:23:44 GMT -5
Lya's smile faded as Ahava spoke once more. The wolf was reluctantly crouched on the ground, peering at the standing Ahava no longer with a smile, only a mask of doubt and remorse about what happened before with Yanah. It was all rather spontaneous and actually quite stupid, but obviously it had upset Ahava and that is all that mattered. Lya sighed and answered, Nope. Nothing at all. and flopped down in the mud.
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Post by Ahava on Sept 17, 2012 9:07:29 GMT -5
Ahava somehow knew it wasn't completely the truth. Lya's face said it all. But she interpreted her answer as saying that she wasn't impossible. That it was possible to change, and that nobody hated her for being quiet. But she was still too quiet, so she had to do something. Nothing too big, but a change that wouldn't alter who she was on the inside. So she started to think about possibilities, although she was painfully aware of the chances of failure. However, she had been the one to tell Yanah- she shuddered thinking about the bipolar wolf's kindness only a day ago- about Emi. That was a good, start, wasn't it? Ahava huffed out a small sigh and said "I'll still try to be better." Then she let her gaze rest on the pup who was standing there with them and smiled.
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Post by Sunny on Sept 17, 2012 15:49:27 GMT -5
Heraclea frowned. She knew they were lying to her. Everyone always lied to her. She was just a pup after all, and couldn't possibly understand the complexities of pack life. And, thanks to them, she probably never would. Everyone was so wrapped up in their own little dramas that they didn't even seem to notice her or Ajax any more. Kylarad was falling apart, and the pup knew it. The leaders were corrupted, Emi had gone off the deep end, lycaon was constantly lurking. Then Ahava smiled at her, the wolf actually had the nerve to smile at her! "It doesn't matter how much better you do," snapped the pup, flopping down in the mud and staring resolutely at the two satraps, daring them to disagree with her.
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Post by Ahava on Sept 18, 2012 9:04:48 GMT -5
Ahava frowned and immediately turned her head away from Heraclea, feeling crushed for a second there again, perhaps because Heraclea thought that she was too quiet. She hated it when she was snapped at. She's taken it too much today. But that didn't matter. What did a pup know what she could do if she was insipred to do it? On the other hand, some pups, from Ahava's conclusions, always had that stage where they think the adults keep secrets from them, purposely leaving them out. Ahava, even as an adult, felt that way about the two other Satraps before Yanah lost it. And so she said, "Heraclea. If you think I'm keeping secrets from you, I'm not," she blurted out, kind of dissappointed that even a pup might be going crazy like most of the pack despite her pup's-growing-up conclusion. Then, reluctantly, she triedto passify the pup. "I could tell you what's wrong, if you want. But I know that some things may not be too pleasant." What could she say? She had too much empathy. If she hated how the others "kept secrets" from her, then she can't keep any, either. But maybe she won't tell the whole about Yanah, though. Yanah was their mother. Well, given that, now Ahava could see how the pup snapped so easily. And now, on that note, Ahava wasn't so confident that her passifying would work.
ooc; I might be wrong about Heraclea being Yanah's daughter O.o So tell meh if I am
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Post by Sunny on Sept 18, 2012 17:31:13 GMT -5
ooc; she is.
Heraclea cocked an eyebrow (do wolves even have eyebrows?) at the satrap. "Pleasant?" she reiterated, "I don't think anything around here has ever been pleasant, so why can't everyone just be honest?"
Though she was only a pup, Heraclea knew she could handle way more than the grown-ups gave her credit for. She understood war, death and love and that they were all horrible things. She'd seen wolves do terrible things to innocent pups, she'd been forced to sit next to her father's lifeless body, she'd watched wolves she respected and trusted go mad and betray everyone who loved them. Up until this point her life had been anything but pleasant, and she doubted a lie could change that.
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Post by Ahava on Sept 19, 2012 15:25:35 GMT -5
Ahava wasn't surprised at Heraclea's retort by now. "Okay. I'll be honest with you," she said. "To begin with... the three of us- Yanah, Lya, and I. I, well, doubted myself because I was told that I was basically useless. Lya doesn't seem to agree with this, but I don't know about you. One of our friends lost it... well, make that two. I dont want any more to follow." She glanced uneasily at Lya, having said what might be enough. It hurt to recall all the horrible things that were said.
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Post by Sunny on Sept 19, 2012 16:09:00 GMT -5
Heraclea tipped her head to one side in thought. "Well, if you're going to be a satrap, then you should be a satrap through and through. You shouldn't only do half your job because you're scared of what anyone else will think. That's just a silly excuse," the pup said earnestly. She had noticed that Ahava was never as outspoken as the other satraps, but she always assumed Ahava was in charge of something more important than just discussing pack affairs. Apparently her assumption was wrong if Ahava didn't feel like she was being helpful. Next, the pup considered the fact that half her pack was going insane. "Maybe--" she paused and started over, "maybe we're all being too serious. Who says we can't have some fun every once in a while? With all the drama and stress going around, everyone's cracking up." With the prospect of fun the little pup's tail wagged a bit, a motion it hadn't practised in a long time.
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Post by Ahava on Sept 20, 2012 15:13:13 GMT -5
Ahava nodded. "You're right. So I will take up my duties as I should be," she responded truthfully, slowly feeling better from Heraclea's honesty. She will try at least. Paying attention to what Heraclea mentioned after. She considered it a little bit. Evryone has been under stress. Wasthat what was causing everything? "Yeah. Maybe I have been thinking the wrong way. I guess we should give at least some" -she thought a little to grip a good word, but couldn't exactly find the right one- "... freedom to everyone, to make everyone less stressed." But, she thought, if anything goes wrong, that's when they could step in, not make everyone seem like they're in some prison. "I just can't come up with a way to get everyone to stop feeling that way. A meeting might not..." She trailed off, thinking of what Yanah might say at that meeting, if it were to occur. Maybe they could just simply get involved with their packmates, because some of the stress seemed to be coming from lack of community. She played Heraclea's words over in her mind again. What exactly did she mean by "fun," though?
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