Gone

[Ɲoquisi]

Random poem I thought up on the spot.

Ticks of the clock,
Thoughts of the block,
Full me with guilt and shock.

A wink of the eye,
As he passed by,
Showed me how much he loved I.

Passionate thoughts,
Anger gets caught,
Bullets were shot through the gun that he bought.

Days go,
People know,
Pitiful stares in the window.

The tick slows,
The eyes close,
Nobody knows,

For it was I.


Its about a girl who kills her boyfriend, who regrets it, but everyone thinks it was someone else. You can figure out the rest yourself. *evil smirk*

This was posted on a different site too. .D.

[Sunny]

I like it Noquisi! In line three though you made a typo and put full when I think you ment fill. I'd also suggest one more stanza in the middle describing the murder, because I didn't catch that she had killed him until you explained it. And just a bit of general advice, if you're planning on ever getting published, don't post your best work online. Publishers are in it to make money, but if you offer your work up for free online, then there wouldn't be a point in them publishing it. But if you are trying to get 'discovered' or whatever, then use cliff hangers to make people want to read more and entice them into buying what you've writen.

[Ɲoquisi]

Thanks. Over the next days, I'll think of a new stanza. And this isn't my best work, even though I'm just in it for fun.

[Thαnαtσs]

*falls over* omg ur too awesome, there's no way I could ever make something like this!!!

[Ɲoquisi]

Modified it! There's another stanza now! XD And thanks, Thanantos!